Remembering Firsts

Remembering the first "external beam" radiation treatment. You have to go in and have a work up so to speak. This is where they plan your treatment, where the exact points are that will be radiated and how many of those treatments you will need. I was impressed that I had my very own physicist to figure all that out for little ole me. The doctors and nurses had explained everything in detail so there were no surprises. OK almost no surprises. I am 52 years old and when I grew up you just didn't get tattoos. It was just not accepted in our generation very well. Now you are thinking, she has lost her mind and is rambling on to other stuff. Just give me a moment and I'll pull it all together, honest. OK, so we were at not good to get tattoos in my generation. To my surprise, part of the treatment required tattoos. Now I always swore I would never ever have a tattoo. Never liked them, never wanted them, it just isn't me. I had to laugh because in order to get the treatments I would have to have the tattoos so that they would be sure to line the beams up to the exact same place every time I had a treatment. When they told me this, I am kind of laughing to myself and thinking . . . hmmmm, God has a sense of humor. It probably wasn't the first time I had ever had that thought, but it seemed appropriate at the time. So the nurses and technicians do all their calculations and brand me with my tattoos. I am guessing that you may be wondering what kind of tattoos, well don't get too excited, they look kind of like a very small mole. No big deal there.

Going to radiation treatment every morning soon became very routine. Everyone has their own time slot to be there so you generally see the same people each day unless someone is finished with treatment or someone new comes in. You get to know those that go before you and after you pretty well. It's all very clinical as far as the treatments go now a days. I am so thankful that the radiation wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. The technicians at the facility I had treatment at were wonderful, so kind an concerned. Not the fake kind of concern, the concern where you know when they say "how are you" they actually want to know how you are and hear the standard, Fine that so many hope to hear when they ask that question. Now onto the next area of treatment . . . the dreaded chemo.

The first chemotherapy treatment was the same week that I first started the radiation treatments. I was have a treatment one day a week for 6 weeks. Now I had seen that the radiation wasn't quite so terrible but I knew the chemo would not be so kind. I had seen a friend go through breast cancer and her chemo treatments nearly did her in. I don't say that lightly, she was extremely ill. I did an awful lot of praying for her and her family, I also had my church praying for her too. OK, back to the subject at hand. I had heard all kinds of horror stories about chemo, no doubt you too have heard some stories of your own about chemo. You just never know how it is going to affect you until you go through it. I remember sitting there, waiting to be hooked up to this poison that would enter my body and would hopefully help me be rid of the invader in my body. I prayed, and prayed and then I prayed. The nurse finally came and put the IV into my port that had been put into my chest the week before. I remember feeling the liquid as it entered my body, it was cold. I have a lot of "personal Summers" I like to call them, you might know them as hot flashes. For me to be cold was unusual, it is still unusual. I also remember looking at the other people there receiving their treatments. Some you couldn't tell they had anything wrong with them. Some, you could tell they had been doing this a while just by looking at their coloring or their lack of hair or even the dark circles under their eyes. There was one fellow that I saw, you could tell he had been a really big man at one time. You could also tell that he had lost an awful lot of weight suddenly. There were burns on the side of his face and neck, from the radiation no doubt. He had been so sick that he was in just to receive liquids because he was so dehydrated from being so sick with the chemo. I watched as the nurses tried time and again to find a vein that wouldn't collapse on them when they went to hook up the IV of saline solution. I suddenly forgot about myself, saw that others had it much worse than I did and began to pray for that dear man. As if he hadn't been through enough now he was a pin cushion. After a few tricks that those wonderful nurses know, and 5 previous tries they finally go a vein that would support the IV. I remember being so relieved and very thankful. I don't know the fellows name, don't need to know it. I did what I needed to do which was quit worrying about myself and pray for others that I come in contact with as they go through this journey with me. I will tell you that at this point, I am learning how to depend on God a lot more and trust that He knows what is best for me. I know He has a plan, I know I am in that plan. My job is to see what I should do and learn from these experiences. Everything in life is a learning experience, what we take from it and get out of it is up to us. I will write more in a few days. Thanks for taking time to read some of my story.