Just a Little Laugh

Sometimes I am surprised at how many things I remember about things that went on during treatment of my first cancer. I know that I referred to the external beam radiation treatments. There were several of us that had been cutting up and joking around while we were waiting for it to be our turn for our treatment. (Beats crying any day) Like I said it was very clinical after a while and you actually start to look forward to seeing your new found friends at treatment. I remember one little lady that we were all a little uneasy with. She always had a look on her face that wasn't so pleasant. OK, to be honest, she looked like she wanted to hit someone, so when she was around we would get a little quieter so we didn't provoke her.

One morning I went in at my usual time and the 2 people who were always there before me weren't there. I think they had other appointments or something, that doesn't matter, they just weren't there this particular morning. So, I am sitting there waiting for my treatment when this little lady came in. Yes, it was the lady that looked like she was very unhappy and I was afraid she might take the opportunity to take her frustrations out on me. It was very quiet, and suddenly, she looks at me and said she wanted to ask me a question. I very slowly looked around and realized she was talking to me. There was just a second of panic, then a lot of thoughts going through my head, one of which was, today of all days for my other treatment buddies to abandon me. The one day this little woman wants to talk and I don't have anyone there to protect me. (OK, just kidding but we were just a little afraid of her). I finally looked her way and told her she could ask what ever she wanted. Her question to me was, "what's wrong with you?" Those of you that know me, know better than to say something like that because I can't seem to resist it when someone sets me up like that. Something funny has just got to come out of my mouth. My thought at the time was . . . duh lady I got cancer. I mean we were there in the "Cancer Center" getting treatment. So, I told her that, OK, I left of the duh part. Turns out, that wasn't what she meant. What she meant was, she had heard me telling someone that I was glad to be there in the cancer center. Guess she thought I was touched in the head, those of you that know me . . . don't say it, don't even think it!! She just didn't understand the way that I was looking at the whole situation. I know I am a little off center, that is my story and I am sticking to it. OK, back to the subject. She went on to explain that she couldn't understand why any person would want to be receiving treatments for Cancer and there just isn't anything to be happy about in that respect. My reply to her was as follows.

I am not glad I have cancer, I am not happy that I have it either. What I am glad and happy about is that the treatments are available and that they are going to help me. I have been so blessed that we found it in time to help, that we have the wonderful technology to cure these things. I am so thankful to God for the wonderful doctors and nurses and other technicians that can take care of us that need that help. So, in answer to your question, yes, I am very glad to be here. I'm glad that they can help me. I am thankful to God for allowing them to know what to do to help me and people like us who would have no hope were it not for "this place".

She was very quite for a couple of minutes, I didn't know what else to say to her. She looked at me just before I went in for my treatment and thanked me. Then she went on to say that she had never thought about it that way. She went on to tell me that she had resented having to be there even hated being there. She was angry that she had cancer. Then she told me that she would have to think about it some more. Then I went to have my treatment done.

The next morning before I could talk to my 2 friends that had their treatments before me, she came in the office with a smile on her face. You should have seen the faces of the 2 friends, their mouths were hanging open when they saw that smile on her face. They looked at me and asked me if I was there yesterday and I told them yes, then they asked if she had been there too and she answered yes. She began to open up a little and talk with us, mean while the 2 friends are looking at me like, what in the world happened. I just grinned. That next morning before she arrived they were quick to ask me what happened and I told them the story I just told you. It was much funnier there in person but that isn't the reason I told this story.

I tell this story to get a point across. It isn't what you have or what you have to go through, it is all about HOW you go through it. We have more power over our lives than we think we do. I have learned over the last several years that you can choose to be happy or you can choose to be unhappy. I know that sounds way to simple but it is so true. One thing that I decided early on through this experience is not be mad or hate this or that, not to be grumpy or anything else negative. I don't like grumpy people and I certainly don't want to be one. Really, think about it, how many of you like being around people who are always unhappy or grumpy or worse. It's just not a pleasant experience for either person. It takes some time and practice, but you can over come it if you set your mind to it. I won't lie to you and tell you it is easy because it isn't. I am also not telling you that I didn't have down times, I just didn't allow myself to stay there in the dumps for very long. That was my choice and my decision and that is how I choose to keep it and with God's help and help from my friends and family, I can do this and you can too.

I begin each day by asking God what He has in store for me. I pray for strength and I pray and look for opportunities to laugh. Just depends on how you choose to look at to look at things. Goes back to that old, old story . . . the glass is half full or the glass is half empty. For me it will be half full. I made an effort to do things that I could that would help my mood, listen to music that I really like, working on crafts (which I love to do). Reading a good book is always a good choice too. Even if it is for only 15 minutes, do something that makes you happy (unless it is really bad for your health).